breaking down the nba like craig sager's suits: colorfully

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Tickets costing you too much?

Over here at DCSS, where our hourly wage is five dollars and fifteen cents less than minimum wage, we completely understand money problems. There's nothing like going to an NBA game live, but it's so damn expensive. So I've compiled the list of top five ways to make a profit at NBA games.

1) Sit next to someone who looks like they're going to throw something
No word yet on how much money that goofy guy with glasses who got abused by Ron Artest is going to get, but I'm willing to bet it's a lot. Anybody who has a mean look on their face, the same full drink for more than a quarter, and a loud mouth is a very liable candidate.

2)If a player looks mentally weak, rip away.
The way to tell if a player is mentally weak is if he looks like there's nothing else he'd rather be doing except playing basketball. Usually these guys are prone to snapping and running into the stands swinging just so they don't have to play for awhile. Try to stay away from racial slurs though, you don't want entire countries hating you. DCSS tip: Von Wafer, if he can get back into the league is a prime candidate.

3)Position yourself to where you think Kobe could dive into you
If this guy from Arkansas really ends up with seventy five thousand from Kobe because he claims to have gotten elbowed by Kobe when he ended up in the stands, Kobe should just keep some checks on the bench because everytime he goes into the stands it's gonna happen.

4)Forge a players signature on a ticket
This may work on only younger kids. I say that, because it happened to me. At a Spurs game I bought a ticket from a guy who swore David Robinson signed it during the autograph sesson before warmups. Too bad there is no autograph sesson before warmups, but props to the guy for creativity, this one deserves to be used by all.

5)Insult their rapping skill
Shaq, Kobe, Artest, and Webber are just some of the ones who this could work on, JJ Reddick too if his mixtapes ever get released. I haven't heard JJ, but I know for a fact that the rest are terrible. But not enough people tell them how much they suck, because they're scared. This may not get you any profit - but in the long run it could benefit everyone if it convinces them never to rap again. Although I'm sure Ron Artest's 343 CDs sold opening week is better than any diss.


Post a Comment

<< Home